..A World of Nonsense..

such a desperado I am.

Adi added to the nonsense at 5:39 AM

i'm dying.

slowly.

in my mind.

inescapably.

forget about me,

world.

Adi added to the nonsense at 12:04 AM

music are my words.

the music, of Philip Glass.

Adi added to the nonsense at 6:42 AM

haha.

yes, it's funny.

laugh.

for every time I feel happy and worthwhile talking to you and non-guilty,

there's an alternate time I feel like I'm wasting my time and being a completely foolish numskull.

sometimes they're both the same time.

I wonder if I can put myself through it for the next two years. After such a trying time, everything will be sufferable. almost, anything.

actually, it already is. I'm ready, show me what you've got. (: i'm game. as I have always been, and will be.

Adi added to the nonsense at 8:02 AM

What the hell am I still doing here.

I thought I was intelligent and I had a brain.

I thought I could do math.

If I can do math, why not physics?

Why. Why is it always physics.

I love physics. I want to learn physics.

and yet everytime I barely pass.

and again overall, shitty marks and even worse percentages.

my percentage is what our head prefect got last year, plus point.

the thing is, he managed that while being head prefect, minus point.

I thought I did it this time, finally.

But sometimes even the end is not the redemption.

It's going to take something now, something big.

to change things.

Do I even have to say how garbage I feel.

Adi added to the nonsense at 1:42 AM

today, watched (500) days of summer.

why does every non-comedy movie want to make me cry. Don't understand why this was called a 'comedy' though, it's really heartbreaking, even with that kind of ending.

I think I associate so strongly with the main characters all the time.

but perhaps. this is an indication to me.

that I should put my similar somewhat over-dramatized past behind, and just forget it all.

so, how do I forget you then?

and keep all those...non-existent, meaningless, suicidal memories.

the real sadness lies ahead.

but it was extremely painful watching the movie through.

it was rather like how i'd felt all my last 5-6 years.

so what. all that was trivial. we still don't know how we feel about things.

but. knowing me. that's probably how i'm going to end up in due time.

tell me. if I feel it, I can love as many times as I truly believe. but what sort of girl's not going to react to me differently from Summer Finn in 500 D o S?

i'm nothing special. i'm not going to have much of a job. i get into arguments very easily. i'll fight with my life for people I care about.

maybe I do have the power to change all that, and be happy in the future.

but i'm not going to. as some quoteworthy source said/says; it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.

i want to fail in life. a New York, 500 D o S, C W A Chance of Meatballs, and all that, rolled into one. heartbreak is like a drug.

i'd know. mine breaks so often.

perhaps the whole point of pursuing happiness is experiencing all the disappointment. sadness. pain. regret. that you experience on the way. after which, you don't want that happiness any more.

i'm addicted to this track from the 500 D o S OST: Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap

that feeling of not being good enough. of not being right. not the one. inadequate. messed up. ill-disposed.

there are some people I connect with in this world, on the deepest possible level.

those who have had their hearts broken.

those who have been rejected by society at large.

those who would sacrifice themselves for something/one they believe in with no hesitation.

those who never make it to what they were meant for.

and,

those who's dreams are never fulfilled, in the end.

for, i'm one of them too.

take heart, bittersweetly, for.

there is a light that never goes out.

Adi added to the nonsense at 6:16 AM

I think I've.

finally.

managed to bring my performance.

to that level.

once more.

this time.

we will know soon enough, won't we.

that aside;
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs! really lovely movie. :D

Adi added to the nonsense at 3:25 AM